My husband and I never (and I know everyone says this), never, never fought before the children were born. We knew each other for about 15 years before the birth of our first, were roommates for 14 of those years, and romantically involved for 5. In that time, we had a few fights as roommates over dishes and late bills, we had a fight as friends over wearing headphones during a conversation, and we had a few fights as a couple over not spending enough time together and petty jealousy (mostly mine).
Since the peanut was born 2 years ago, we haven't stopped fighting. It got a little better when peanut was about 1 until the pumpkin man was born, but never really let up. Now, we are at each other's throats again. We still love each other, without a doubt. We still want to be together, and affirm this after every fight. But we are relentless, and we can't seem to give each other a break.
Seriously, we fight about everything and nothing, from kid stuff: when the diaper pail needs to be changed, how much the peanut ate during the day, how to clean chocolate milk stains, where to put the kiddie pool -- to house stuff: when and how to deal with Kevin and Fat Tony, how much to spend on fish, how much mulch we need, when to get the mail from the box, when to throw food out -- to global issues: the economy, politics, human issues, neighborhood ideology, family crap -- to intimacy: what we share with others, when to have sex, how much we love each other, who is listening to whom, and why we can't communicate.
I know I love him, and there is no one else for me in this world. I don't want to be in this life, or any other, with anyone else. The thought D-word makes my throat close and chest seize up. I can't breathe without him. He is the center of my world and the anchor of my sanity. I can't remember life without him, and I don't want to. I loved him before I ever met him, and I will love him long after we are gone. Forever, and Forever, and Forever...
Mostly, I think I'm just a bitch and he needs more sleep. Like he says, "we just need to hold on."
It's hard but it's worth it. Good blog!
ReplyDeleteIf love was supposed to be "easy" it would be boring and ordinary. Anyone could have it--with anyone. Love wouldn't be more than a handshake, or smile.
ReplyDeleteBecause it's hard is exactly the reason it is worth working for. It's what makes love special.
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ReplyDeleteHmmm!! I can totally relate (and so can every married couple with kids I'm sure!!!).
ReplyDeleteInterestingly, my husband and I actually fight less now than ever before because of something my son (3 years old at the time) taught us.
I've been thinking about blogging about this topic for a while, so I think I might do that very soon. Your blog has inspired me!! thanks
ps...had to remove my post & add it again because it didn't initially show my blog link.... www.theefficientparent.com