Monday, October 5, 2009
My dog is gross. She's a 60 pound slob, and she smells like a dead opossum's vagina. I always get a little sick in my throat when I open up the hatch back to move her blanket, which is where she rides to and from her many park adventures with my family. Seriously, it's that bad. It probably isn't her fault; she just happens to love stinky, stagnant water -- the more putrid the better. And somehow my husband and daughter seem happily oblivious to her stench. Last night, she actually kissed my baby girl, my two year old pixie, right on the open mouth as she waggled her bum at my husband's delighted coos. My lovely little angel laughed like the ethereal fairy she is, and I turned my head in disgust.
Don't get me wrong, I generally love animals (even my three ancient cats that throw up everywhere -- but that's another story) and I like her well enough. It's just that she is also very, very stupid. This dog almost failed basic obedience as a puppy because she couldn't figure out what we (and I am including the trainer) were trying to teach her. She just stared at us with her big, sad, saggy face and looked pathetic. She tries hard and she is terribly sweet, but she just doesn't get it. She's always underfoot and getting scolded for accidently bumping the babies or stealing their toys.